There’s this thing about me and sometimes it upsets people. I’m not afraid to speak up when my feelings or beliefs differ than someone else’s….standing my ground…even when I’m standing alone. I take ownership of what I’ve caused, I know what I need to work on and I know what I’ve worked on enough. I see beauty in odd things…there are more things I like about myself than I dislike…I’m learning to accept the differences in people… actually respecting and growing from those differences. The biggest thing I notice about myself is that I love people in a deeper more genuine way…seeing people for who they really are and wanting them to see the real me….as I grow older I don’t squander my time on people who treat me badly or talk behind my back…I just pray for them.
I had a conversation with someone today….we debated about a phrase, a metaphor, in my opinion “ a misleading interpretation”. I was reminded of a scenario a few years back where I stayed quiet a time I felt God wanted me to speak up. I had gone to a Bible Study with Lyndi, she asked me the week prior if I would go with her on Wednesday evenings. I didn’t hesitate. I’m careful about what Bible studies I attend because I’m particular about who’s teaching me, I knew there were going to be things the leader said I wasn’t going to agree with so I prepared myself to stay still and prayed that I would be given something to apply to my life during this hour and more importantly Lyndi would walk away with an even bigger hunger for God’s Word.
What I went home with was a lesson I will never forget. That night I prayed for a woman in the study who the leader said was dying from lung cancer….she looked very sick and weak. The woman listened to the leader tell us that she almost didn’t make it last week and how surprised they all were that she showed up because they all believed the Lord was going to take her home (now there’s some faithful believers!) She was pretty young…younger than me I think. That night I prayed God would help her find her faith and give her enough strength to receive her healing. I wanted to pray that out loud while I was there…it was engulfing me. I wanted to ask God to make them all shut up and start to pray in faith for this young mother….but I froze. I just sat there while she listened to the leader talk about how God tests us and puts trials in our paths to bring us closer to Him. I just sat there not doing anything to show her God is love and hope….to tell her that He’s done all He’s going to do and now it’s up to her to ask, believe and receive. I wanted to scream “By His stripes we are healed!“ Instead, I just sat there….not saying anything when the women in the group talked about how sometimes God punishes.….I quietly asked God to forgive me for just sitting there.
I remember walking downstairs to help Lyndi get Tucker out of his Bible class, the Bible class where he is suppose to learn one scripture a week. I walked in and he said…”Grandma….”God is love!”...(his first verse, learned)….I wanted to take him upstairs and say “Why are you teaching the little ones that God is love when you’re up here telling us that sometimes he causes cancer…he takes mommy’s away from children…he wants us to suffer pain and heartache…he wants us to be afraid…he wants us to lose our breath when we walk up a flight of stairs?” I wanted to say ‘ Why aren’t you teaching us that we reap what we sow, that smoking causes cancer, God doesn’t….so we shouldn’t smoke!!!!! I wanted to ask someone if it made any sense that a loving God would put his child in danger just to teach her faith and forgiveness…but I didn’t.
It’s not so much that I was judging these women…maybe they’re hearts were in the right place; however, I do think they are products of their pastors, Sunday school teachers and whoever else they’ve been listening to though.
I drove home with tears in my eyes and multitude of feelings….and then “POOF” I realized from that moment on I would always pray the way God wants me to pray. I heard my poppy’s words from years passed “Krissy, when you’re nudged to pray out loud and you don’t…it’s like telling God “no”. I finally understood what he meant.
So now when I hear something I disagree with concerning my God I don’t set out to try and change anyone; I will give my opinion and from there the best tool I have is to just show my life….my relationship with the Lord…..strong and forever growing. I’ll keep being who I’ve become, who I really am….the person God made.....the person God wants me to be….because I won’t just sit there and let someone slam my Savior
There are some for sure things I need God to tweak in me…things I struggle with…but I don’t beat myself up I remember where I used to be and where I am now and most important I see what my future holds when I stand firm for what I believe in…for who I believe in. I remembered what means most to me….God does….love does….people do….family and friends…I haven’t forgotten all the valleys…but I cling to the joy in my heart because of all of the peaks.
So….be careful who you allow to teach you God’s word…who prays for you…who you let guide you. If you’re confused you’re in the wrong place…..you wouldn’t go to a math class if they kept telling you 2 plus 2 equals 5 would you? I donLyndi stopped attending and I don’t know if that woman from Bible Study is still alive or not….what I do know is she didn’t leave very hopeful….she left ready to die.
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